Tag Archives: agile jokes
Processes and tools.
Processes and tools who?
See, I told you he was Agile!
The user who?
Yup, we’re at Microsoft.
Buristic Review – An exercise to gain heuristic insight that will be rejected by a bureaucrat because the research didn’t come from his team.
Merital Raise – A merit-based pay increase for spending more time in the office cranking out code with your colleagues than at home with your spouse.
The brilliant Peter Saddington, a/k/a AgileScout, posted a wickedly funny April 1st announcement of a Certified Agile Blogger course. Yep, April Fool! Read it, it’s great fun.
Since I blog about Agile from the point of view of the business stakeholders, it got me thinking about other certifications we could use in the Agile community.
The CMO: When the new functionality reduces the bounce rate from 40% to 4%.
The CIO: Done? When’s the release, 11:45? 11:46.
The PR Director: 11:45? I told ClickZ and TechCrunch it went live last Tuesday.
1. Your dress code prohibits hoodies – a key requirement of Agile.
2. You consider yourself an Agile centrist – that Manifesto sounds kinda socialist.
3. You keep a copy of the project requirements in your trunk for traction.
A: 8-track tapes; sleeves on wedding gowns; heavy up-front requirements.
Q: What is nostalgia?
A: Data storage costs; mortgage industry headcount; development project documentation.
Q: What is downsizing?
A: Two face cards; Oliver and Hardy; driver/observer programming team.
Q: What is a pair?
THE BUSINESS ANALYST
I have twelve meetings today, I don’t have time to get into the whole user story. But I can tell you it involves a rooster on a distributed team.
Agilewashing – A waterfall shop that throws a scrum or two onto their schedule to seem cool. The Agile equivalent of a veneer, also known as “all hat, no cattle”.
Agillectomy – Removal of a development team’s efficiency gland by the new waterfall-loving CTO.