Tag Archives: scrum
The brilliant Peter Saddington, a/k/a AgileScout, posted a wickedly funny April 1st announcement of a Certified Agile Blogger course. Yep, April Fool! Read it, it’s great fun.
Since I blog about Agile from the point of view of the business stakeholders, it got me thinking about other certifications we could use in the Agile community.
1. Zombies don’t iterate well.
2. A zombie can declare a project dead and move on.
3. Scrums aren’t productive because the answer to every question is the same. “Brains.”
4. Pair programming…well, trust me, it just doesn’t work out.
The CMO: When the new functionality reduces the bounce rate from 40% to 4%.
The CIO: Done? When’s the release, 11:45? 11:46.
The PR Director: 11:45? I told ClickZ and TechCrunch it went live last Tuesday.
Agile is thy methodology – the way, the truth, the absolute shiznet to thy development team. Thou shalt not use any other methodology – at least not here.
Thou shalt not bitch about the lack of up-front requirements – neither shalt thou commit scope creep.
Keep holy the release day. It’s ain’t movin’. It especially ain’t movin’ for thee.
Honor thy development team. Seriously. Some morning Dunkins, a toy, a damn pizza wouldst not kill thee.
I came across something intriguing in my blog’s analytics dashboard. Somebody came to cathycarleton.com from Google yesterday on the keyword phrase “agile development minus the lingo”. Hmmm. Sorry visitor, you probaby didn’t find what you were looking for.
Rapid development calls for rapid decision-making. Agile practitioners sometimes make the mistake of assuming that an Agile environment doesn’t have any spare time built in for research to inform those decisions. It’s not so. You’re actually more at risk for wasting time when you don’t research.
Really enjoyed the great Derek Huether’s post about zombie meetings on his blog The Critical Path. And it got me thinking…perhaps our meeting-crazed corporate culture could actually spur some new job growth?
Agilewashing – A waterfall shop that throws a scrum or two onto their schedule to seem cool. The Agile equivalent of a veneer, also known as “all hat, no cattle”.
Agillectomy – Removal of a development team’s efficiency gland by the new waterfall-loving CTO.
Don’t all speak at the same time.
If the team members in your sister office wanted to dial into a daily cocktail party, they’d have transferred to Marketing.
Lose the attitude.
Don’t get all huffy and snarl “of course it’s on the documentation wiki!” at 8:03am when your wiki update is datestamped 8:01am.