Tag Archives: agile humor
Code-Alones – Programmers who lack the people skills to be developers.
None-Of-Your-Business Analysts – Requirements gatherers for skunkworks projects.
Projectile Managers – Representatives of death march projects who must appear before angry stakeholders in the Marketing Conference Room.
Buristic Review – An exercise to gain heuristic insight that will be rejected by a bureaucrat because the research didn’t come from his team.
Merital Raise – A merit-based pay increase for spending more time in the office cranking out code with your colleagues than at home with your spouse.
The brilliant Peter Saddington, a/k/a AgileScout, posted a wickedly funny April 1st announcement of a Certified Agile Blogger course. Yep, April Fool! Read it, it’s great fun.
Since I blog about Agile from the point of view of the business stakeholders, it got me thinking about other certifications we could use in the Agile community.
The CMO: When the new functionality reduces the bounce rate from 40% to 4%.
The CIO: Done? When’s the release, 11:45? 11:46.
The PR Director: 11:45? I told ClickZ and TechCrunch it went live last Tuesday.
1. Accelerate Success But Let’s Not Get Crazy About It
2. Aggression In Its Most Passive Form
3. Delivering Your Lame-Ass Ideas Faster Every Day
4. We’re Not Arrogant – We’re Winning
Yo momma’s so Agile she took a two-day vacation and came back a Certified Momma.
Yo momma’s so Agile she makes you eat breakfast in fifteen minutes, standing up.
Yo momma’s so Agile she’ll only commit to PTA four weeks at a time.
THE BUSINESS ANALYST
I have twelve meetings today, I don’t have time to get into the whole user story. But I can tell you it involves a rooster on a distributed team.
Agilewashing – A waterfall shop that throws a scrum or two onto their schedule to seem cool. The Agile equivalent of a veneer, also known as “all hat, no cattle”.
Agillectomy – Removal of a development team’s efficiency gland by the new waterfall-loving CTO.