Category Archives: Agile Humor
If setting your alarm for 6:30 am means you’re “sleeping in”…you might be a project manager.
If the time it takes to microwave your Lean Pocket in the breakroom and the time it takes to eat it are coded to two separate job numbers…you might be a project manager.
Processes and tools.
Processes and tools who?
See, I told you he was Agile!
The user who?
Yup, we’re at Microsoft.
The Sprint – Grey Goose and dissolved Skittles, the only mixer available from the vending machine at 2 am.
Velocity Sour – Jack Daniel, club soda and lemon juice, already 3/4 finished.
Code-Alones – Programmers who lack the people skills to be developers.
None-Of-Your-Business Analysts – Requirements gatherers for skunkworks projects.
Projectile Managers – Representatives of death march projects who must appear before angry stakeholders in the Marketing Conference Room.
Choose the most correct answer:
1. User Experience:
(a) is a distinct professional discipline focusing on how a product’s use is perceived and experienced by the people using it.
(b) finishes a sentence that begins “If I were a user I would want…”
(c) is that nice department of people on the third floor that we let decide whether the “Submit” button should be red or blue.
(d) means my experience. I’m a user too. You know, a really experienced one.
Great for attending business meetings remotely – access your GoToMeeting, grab a bottle of Stoli, then down a shot every time you hear:
WUDDAYA MEAN, FAIL?
We’ll recruit a representative chicken panel and probe their attitudes toward crossing the road.
Not my problem. I just have to convince the chicken to come to our side of the road, it’s up to customer service to keep her there.
Buristic Review – An exercise to gain heuristic insight that will be rejected by a bureaucrat because the research didn’t come from his team.
Merital Raise – A merit-based pay increase for spending more time in the office cranking out code with your colleagues than at home with your spouse.
DONALD TRUMP – Not agile. Look at him. His hair doesn’t meet anyone’s definition of done.
LADY GAGA – Agile. She wore a friggin’ meat dress, for chrissakes. Say what you want, the girl can iterate.
The brilliant Peter Saddington, a/k/a AgileScout, posted a wickedly funny April 1st announcement of a Certified Agile Blogger course. Yep, April Fool! Read it, it’s great fun.
Since I blog about Agile from the point of view of the business stakeholders, it got me thinking about other certifications we could use in the Agile community.