Author Archives: cathy
A Marketer’s Guide To Agile Development – Translated from the Original Marketarian
Marketarian: “Hot! Hot! Hot! This project is so amazingly important it absolutely has to be squeezed into the next release!”
Geek: “So this project is so amazingly important it has to squeeze out the amazingly important project you came to me with yesterday that absolutely had to be squeezed into the release?”
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A Marketer’s Guide to Agile Development – Translated From The Original Geek
Geek: “That bug? We’re looking into it.”
Marketerian: “That bug fix has been prioritized just behind retrieving the Nerf dart out of the atrium soffit.”
Geek: “Put it on the backlog – perhaps it will be prioritized into the next sprint.”
Marketerian: “Perhaps it will be prioritized in 2013 assuming the Mayan Calendar doesn’t end the sprint early.”
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AGILE HUMOR – Top Ten Reasons Why the Zombie Apocalypse Isn’t Agile
1. Zombies don’t iterate well.
2. A zombie can declare a project dead and move on.
3. Scrums aren’t productive because the answer to every question is the same. “Brains.”
4. Pair programming…well, trust me, it just doesn’t work out.
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A Marketer’s Guide to Agile Development – Requirements
CRANIAL REQUIREMENTS
You’re too busy to sit down with the BA. You’ve blown off the last four scrums. You haven’t returned the PM’s calls. You can never remember how to get on that Wiki thing. Yet you whine, because the Dev team doesn’t build what you want? Developers are hired for their coding chops, not their clairvoyance. Jot it down, friend. When the requirements they must have to start coding are still in your head, what do you expect them to do? Drill a hole in your cranium to pry them free? They can’t do that. But they’ve thought
about it.
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Agile Humor – The Definition Of Done
The CMO: When the new functionality reduces the bounce rate from 40% to 4%.
The CIO: Done? When’s the release, 11:45? 11:46.
The PR Director: 11:45? I told ClickZ and TechCrunch it went live last Tuesday.
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Tagged agile, agile humor, agile jokes, code release, Definition of done, scrum
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THE CIO/CMO RELATIONSHIP – A Marketer’s Guide to Agile Development
Some observations from the Forrester CIO/CMO Conference last week:
A COMBO CIO/CMO – LONELY AT THE TOP, BUT AT LEAST HE HAS EACH OTHER
Ponder the possibilities of one person serving as both CIO and CMO of the company. I have heard of two examples of executives doing this so far, one of whom I met at the conference. Leadership of both Technology and Marketing is a formidable reponsibility to shoulder on one’s own, but it does yield some advantages. For one thing, if you need to bogart some budget dollars, you don’t have to strongarm or cajole your counterpart. You just reach into the other pocket.
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Tagged agile, chargeback, CIO, CMO, marketing, sprint, technology
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A Marketer’s Guide to Agile Development – How Your Company Would Have Ruined the iPad2
co-written by Rick Butler
THE LOOK
“Isn’t it thin enough? Nobody’s complaining about the thickness, are they?”
“Just put some faux carbon fiber on the shell. It will cut costs and nobody will notice the difference.”
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A Marketer’s Guide to Agile Development – Why Technical Debt is Your Problem Too
Close your eyes.
It’s Wednesday. Mom is coming for dinner Saturday night. More than 3 days away – plenty of time to clean the house. Then, the babysitter was out sick 2 days, then your middle-schooler announced Thursday that she just remembered the paper mâché model of a velociraptor was due to the teacher on Friday. And, oh yeah, it had to have a working mandible. And purple glitter. And the houseplants are listless – gotta make a run to the garden store.
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Tagged agile, marketer, Technical debt
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A Marketer’s Guide to Agile Development – Scrum Roles
The Kvetcher – Your theme song is “Nobody Knows The Trouble I Seen.” Yes, progress can be hard-won. It’s not that we don’t care about your petty frustrations — oh wait. Yes, it is. We just want to know if the baby’s delivered – not a full description of each labor pain.
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A Marketer’s Guide to Agile Development – The Ten Commandments for Marketers
Agile is thy methodology – the way, the truth, the absolute shiznet to thy development team. Thou shalt not use any other methodology – at least not here.
Thou shalt not bitch about the lack of up-front requirements – neither shalt thou commit scope creep.
Keep holy the release day. It’s ain’t movin’. It especially ain’t movin’ for thee.
Honor thy development team. Seriously. Some morning Dunkins, a toy, a damn pizza wouldst not kill thee.
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Tagged agile, development, marketer, marketing, scope creep, scrum, sprint
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